Living the Dream
by Kincaid
Summary: Haruka and Michiru discover their feelings for each other


Living the Dream  
-Justine Evans (justinee@home.com)  
PG13  
  
I don't own any of the characters in this story. If I did; I wouldn't   
be writing fan FICTION now would I? (With Haruka and Michiru chained and   
bound in my closet life would be grand...just kidding hehe)  
  
website: =W-O-V-E-N= http://kinniestarr.cjb.net  
  
This is my first fanfic, per se but I love input. I'd like to hear   
anyone's response, be it good, bad or somewhere in between.   
Email me at Justinee@home.com  
  
  
The two women stood on the veranda together  
watching the wind toss the waves about beneath the  
brilliant moonlit sky. The taller of the women   
reached for the other's hand. They stood like that   
for what felt like forever. The silence was.  
comforting to both of them. The only sound for miles  
around was that of the ocean; pounding against the   
cliffs below them; driven by the wind.   
"There's something about this place..." Haruka  
mused out loud. "It's like time just doesn't move  
at all. Can you feel it Michi-chan?"  
"Yes. It's as it was years ago. The air, the  
sea; none of it has changed."  
"Except us."  
"What! Would you have been an awkward child all  
your life?" Michiru laughed lightly; trying to goad  
Haruka into taking the bait.  
"Well....there are some aspects I miss more  
than others" Haruka chuckled to herself. She knew  
this game; it had taken her years to learn it; but  
then again years of learning each other were something  
these two had plenty of.   
"You're right, love. *I* miss being able to  
stand outside for hours without feeling the cold or  
the cramps in my muscles! If you have any mercy at  
all you'll come in with me now and help me warm  
up!"   
"Oh, I'll help you...but you're not worried  
that your 'husband' will catch us?"   
Michiru giggled, "And what of your 'wife'? Will  
she be pleased to see you massaging me all night  
long?"  
Haruka cocked her head, "My wife? Oh, let me  
handle her. She'll relax as soon as we start!"   
The two women laughed and went back into the  
house; shedding clothing in a trail that led to  
their bedroom.  
  
***  
  
  
Michiru woke the next morning with her head  
resting in the hollow of Haruka's collarbone. This  
was familiar; as familiar to her as the sweet sound  
of the violin she'd had since she was young. More  
even than it's familiarity; Michiru noticed how  
after all these years this still felt so right. She   
no longer felt the need to justify herself to others.   
After all, nothing so wonderful could be really wrong.  
No-one that made her feel as selfless and loving  
as Haruka could   
She hadn't always felt this way; she hadn't  
always been so sure. Michiru remembered how  
frightened she'd been when she'd realized that she  
was in love with Haruka. One loved other women, but  
one was not *in* love with another woman. She'd   
known the distinction of course but she also knew  
that true love didn't always linger on the doorstep  
while the occupant decided whether or not she  
wanted to open the door. Once she'd admitted it to  
herself it became that much easier for Michiru to  
admit it to others. Oddly; Haruka hadn't taken the  
news particularly well at first.  
Michiru had always assumed that Haruka had  
taken women for lovers before her. She assumed  
because she thought that Haruka dressed and acted  
so much like a man back then. That is, until she  
discovered that Haruka dressed so much like a  
Haruka! Unique. Unusual. Mysterious. Haruka was  
all of those things and so much more...but to  
Michiru's surprise; she was also painfully innocent  
and naive about love and sex. She also seemed to  
feel quite strongly against unorthodox love  
affairs.   
Michiru cringed; remembering the adamant 16  
year old Haruka....  
  
Haruka turned away; her face flushed and her  
eyes narrowed.  
"So that's what you came here to tell me? You  
have feelings for a woman? Er...crude feelings?"   
Michiru shied away from the harsh words.   
"Haruka, I....I can't help it....is it really so  
wrong?"  
"WRONG? Of course it's wrong...it's perverted  
and ugly. How could you even consider such a  
thing?" Haruka hid her face to hide the sudden rush  
of guilt she felt.   
"Haruka...I...I'm sorry." Michiru murmured her  
apology and tried to push back the hurt that she  
hoped wasn't showing on her face as she spoke. She  
hadn't told Haruka who the woman was; and now she  
was sure that she never could.  
"Go away. Go away and stay away. I thought I  
knew you!"   
Michiru's tears flowed freely at last. She  
turned and fled from the room. She had never felt  
so abandoned; so rejected. She locked herself in  
her room and wept with such ferocity that she never  
thought it would stop. When it finally did;  
several hours later; Michiru unlocked her violin  
case and began to play as she had never played  
before. The depth of her hurt bled into her music;  
she thought her very heart was going to be crushed  
under the weight of it. Her fingers kept moving,  
the bow kept drawing across the strings until it  
was all she could do to play long wailing notes.  
She could barely hear the keening; sorrowful notes  
that were drifting into the air around her.  
Finally; shrouded in misery; she slept.  
  
When Haruka woke she reached for Michiru's soft  
face; all she found was an empty space over her  
heart. She grunted in disappointment and rolled  
over to find her slippers. When she'd dressed and  
washed she found Michiru in the kitchen making   
breakfast. Haruka wrapped her arms around the frail  
looking woman who stood there and nuzzled the back  
of her greying head gently.   
"Mmm...so you are finally awake; are you?"  
Michiru smiled and turned to Haruka who looked both  
comically guilty and sleepy; kissing her softly.  
Her breath tasted of tea and apples. Michiru pushed  
a sliver of sliced apple onto Haruka's tongue  
before they sat to eat.   
They ate in silence; as was their custom. The  
house had seemed so quiet since Setsuna and Hotaru  
had gone...Yet somehow, the quiet was not a silence  
of despair; but one of quiet memory. The past  
surrounded them like a mist. Haruka felt like  
they'd been here forever; not in the house, but in  
each other's arms. She couldn't express the joy  
that she felt at the thought of another day spent  
with Michiru here; at the edge of the world...Where  
they had no witnesses but the sea and the breeze.   
Once she would have rejected this life as too  
slow, too static. She had spent years running from  
her life. There had been too much hurt, too much   
danger. If she couldn't face it; she would run. Her  
speed, her flight was her weapon. When she had  
found Michiru she fled from her. Hidden behind  
harsh words and hurt. Now, though, since they were  
no longer fighting, Haruka finally felt content to  
simply be where she was. No more running, no more  
hiding, no more mission. She had thought for a  
while that she would never be content without the  
constant running and searching that had been a part  
of her life for so long....  
She had missed it for a time, looked for ways  
to replace it. She had been blind to the answer  
that had been in front of her all along. She had  
been running from her destiny, from her mission,  
from all the people who disapproved of her. But  
without the mission, without her destiny, without   
the pain, would she have found Michiru? She knew she  
could never answer that but the thought had helped  
her to accept herself and her life in so many ways.  
There was nothing left to run from; it was all  
right here; in this house, in Michiru. Michiru had  
given her family who accepted her, love and safety.  
There was no way to repay a gift like that...nor   
was there a need.   
Haruka could feel the joints in her back  
protesting the strain they had been dealt the night  
before but she didn't mind. She knew that, even old  
as they were; they would not cease to tease one  
another; tempt one another and complete one  
another. She had known it on some level from the  
very beginning....  
  
Haruka turned away; shame and guilt welling up  
in her belly. How could she lie to Michiru like  
this? How could she not tell her how she felt? Shut  
up, you, she told herself. She wasn't talking about  
you...of course it wasn't *you* Haruka. What have  
you got that someone like her would want?  
Then there was the frustration. It came out in  
an angry flood..."It's perverted and ugly!" she  
spat. You should be with me.   
Then Michiru apologised. How could she  
apologise? She doesn't owe me anything. She's in  
love with some other woman; I should have realised  
that I'd never be good enough for her. Why, Haruka,  
why? Wait; what's happening? How can I even feel  
this way? We're both girls...you're not a pervert,  
a deviant...are you? And anyway...you said it  
yourself: it's wrong. Haruka felt the hurt  
struggling to the surface. She couldn't let Michiru  
see her this way. She couldn't let Michiru see her  
weak. That's what she was; weak. A weak little girl  
who couldn't protect herself from anything. She had  
to be stronger than this; it was all about  
resisting and being a warrior. We were not made to  
love in any case; me and Michiru. We are soldiers.  
Damn the unfairness of it all!  
"Get away...and stay away!" screamed Haruka in  
frustration. Michiru fled. That wasn't how soldiers  
were supposed to react. They were supposed to fight  
back...win the war supplied Haruka's mind. Damn her  
for not fighting. I would have let her win  
anyway....  
That's when the music started. From the other  
end of the building Haruka could get no peace. With  
every note she wanted more and more to run to  
Michiru's side.... stroke her hair, hold her hand,   
be there for her. But she could not. She felt rooted  
to the spot, listening to that unbearable, mournful   
song.   
Haruka wept then. She hadn't wept since she was  
a small child but all the tears seemed to flood  
her heart. This was not like her; nevertheless, she   
couldn't stop. She pressed a pillow over her head but   
she couldn't block out the music. The music that was a   
siren song. She knew she couldn't hold out for long.  
Haruka slept then, a restless sleep. She   
dreamed of Michiru...Michiru looking at Haruka with  
desire, her eyes full of friendship and love.  
Haruka watched her carefully. She watched the way  
Michiru's blue-green hair shone in the soft light  
of the strange dream-world. Haruka could see the  
curve of her hip teasing the edge of her  
dress...She reached out for the other woman who  
came to her willingly. They sat together for what  
seemed like forever...Michiru's smile warming  
Haruka's face. Then, suddenly they were pressed  
together; lust consuming them both....Haruka knew  
they should stop lest someone see them doing  
something so perverted. She couldn't stop. Suddenly  
she saw her mother in the dooway of the room  
watching them. Her mother's eyes were wide with  
shock but quickly narrowed to fury. She stormed  
over to the two girls and pried them apart...she  
reached into Michiru's blouse and pulled something  
out. It was pulsing rhythmically. It was Michiru's  
heart. Her mother held it out in front of Haruka;  
Michiru looking on in alarm. Haruka's mother shook  
the heart and tried to force it into Haruka's  
screaming mouth...Michiru then let out a wail that  
shook the whole house....  
From the other end of the building Michiru's  
scream shook the walls as it resonated  
simultaneously with Haruka's own...  
  
Haruka was not the only one who had suffered in  
her dreams that night. Michiru was exhausted when  
she finally slept, but that wasn't enough to  
dissolve the thoughts that flew around busily in  
her mind most of the night.   
Michiru was standing on the edge of a chasm.  
She knew there was something down there that she  
needed, and she couldnt get it from up here. She  
tried to transform but every time she tried to  
speak the words that would reach Neptune, she  
suddenly forgot what she was supposed to say. She  
stood, looking down into the bottomless depths  
below. What was down there? She was lost. What  
could she do? Then the crying began. It was  
heartwrenching. She called..or tried to...but her  
voice was pulled from her by an invisible hand. She  
opened her mouth to scream; but couldn't make a   
sound. She knew she had to do something....but what?   
Her mind was fogged by her need to respond to that  
small voice. Then she was falling; into the abyss.  
She didn't remember jumping...had something pushed  
her? She fell for a long time...time seemed to slow  
and speed up in little bursts as she floated ever  
downward. Finally she landed. Nothing cushioned her  
fall but she felt no pain. She sat on the hard  
ground, confused..why was she here? Then she  
remembered the voice. The voice that had summoned  
her. Of course she had come. She had felt the draw  
of need...it was that need that had pulled her  
down. She looked around but the darkness was thick.  
She stood and fumbled around in her blindness; she  
felt something break beneath her foot. Right then  
she felt the wrenching, nauseating tearing of  
something within her....in a blinding flash of  
light she saw Haruka's face. Haruka's tear stained,  
vulnerable, frightened face. She felt the bond  
between them ripping apart as she ground her foot  
into the ground. She couldn't stop...her feet were  
not her own any longer. All the friendship, the  
trust (if not love) that was between them had been  
smashed under her heel like a glass ball. She could  
hear Haruka's shrieks echoing in the cavern....Oh,  
what had she done.....Michiru screamed...and  
screamed....  
  
Haruka woke with a feeling of sudden urgency.  
Her mind registered the sound still resounding in  
the walls. Michiru.... without a second thought  
Haruka ran through the halls and corridors to  
Michiru's room. She slammed into the door, she  
could barely fumble open the latch in her distress.  
She stood in the doorway staring in horror at  
Michiru who's body was arched like an angry cat  
beneath her sheets. The screams were still tearing  
from her throat, which was becoming hoarse. The  
screams became moans but her eyes were still  
closed.   
Haruka was at her side in a heartbeat. She knew  
that she couldn't wake her too suddenly....the  
shock could be enough to drive her to madness.  
Haruka touched the tense, writhing hand with her  
fingertips...gently. She stroked the other girl's  
arm and spoke in a whisper  
"Oh Michiru, come out of this. I need you back  
here with me. It's Haruka, I'm here, can you  
forgive me? Oh God, don't let her suffer like this!  
Michiru...Oh, Michiru..."   
  
Michiru was floating down a river of blood and  
tears....She lay in the liquid and her mouth was  
open. She could feel the guilt burning on her skin  
like acid. She couldn't stand it anymore but she  
knew she deserved it. Oh Haruka, I never meant to  
drive you away....She could hear herself moaning.  
The she heard something else...a girl's voice. It  
was Haruka. She knew it was. Haruka didn't sound  
angry....why was she so worried? Then she heard her  
name...."Michiru....oh, Michiru...." The voice  
became a beacon for her. She reached for the sound  
and as she lifted her arms her body rose from the  
river and began to surface. She could feel herself  
floating back into consciousness...out of a  
dream.....  
  
"Michiru, I didn't mean it....How could I have  
been such a fool? I love you...I love you more than  
anything. When I said those things...my mother....I  
mean...Oh to hell with it all...I don't care what  
my mother says...I love you and I wont ever let you  
go. I've never felt so whole as when I'm with you.  
I don't know if I'm the one you were talking about,  
but I can't lose you." Haruka could feel hot tears  
spalshing on her cheeks but she ignored them;  
concentrating on her words to Michiru.   
Michiru felt a tear on her hand and she opened  
her eyes to see Haruka's head resting on her chest;  
their hands entwined. Haruka continued to talk but  
Michiru realized that she probably shouldn't be  
listening to the words just yet. She lifted her  
other hand to Haruka's cheek and wiped away a tear.   
"Haruka...."  
"Michiru....I was so afraid for you."  
"I heard you screaming....I broke you....like a  
glass. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop. Oh,  
Haruka, I didn't mean to..."  
"Shhh...Michi-chan....I know. I dreamed too.  
It's not real. You're safe." Haruka touched  
Michiru's sweat-soaked hair and smoothed it down.  
"I'm sorry about...before. I shouldn't have treated  
you that way." Haruka looked down at her hands  
before going on.  
Michiru interrupted, "I'm sorry too, Haru-chan.  
I would never have said anything if I'd known how  
much it bothered you." Michiru turned her head away  
from Haruka's face. She couldn't bear to let Haruka  
see the tears that were filling her own eyes.  
Haruka cringed, remembering the words earlier.  
"Oh, Michiru...if only you knew. I'm such a fool. I  
wanted you to be in love with *me*, not some other  
woman. When you said all that stuff, it was like  
tripping over my own feet and hitting the sidewalk  
head first. I took it out on you because of my own  
stupidity."  
Michiru's eyes widened, "What makes you think  
I'm not?"  
"Not what?" Sniffled Haruka in a tone that was  
*very* different from her usual tough attitude.   
"Not in love with you, silly."   
"I know you're not. I wish you would stop  
bringing it up." Haruka sat up straight and looked  
very much to Michiru like a frustrated child.   
"Haru-chan," Michiru felt the sudden urge to  
laugh at Haruka's temporary thickness.   
"And don't laugh at me either, I can see it in  
your eyes."  
Michiru bit back a giggle. She knew she was  
being a little cruel, but by all rights, Haruka  
*should* have caught on by now.  
"If you can see laughter in my eyes....can you  
see this?" Michiru looked at Haruka and focused all  
her concentration on making her eyes show all she  
felt.  
Haruka gulped and looked uncertain...but the  
uncertainty faded away.  
"Haruka, I love you. I want to be at your side  
forever."   
"Oh Michiru, I love you too." Haruka looked  
embarassed for the shortest moment before leaning  
in to kiss Michiru full on the lips.   
Michiru realised that this was probably the  
first time Haruka had ever offered her body to  
someone. Michiru pulled Haruka closer to her and  
tasted the sweet breath of the other half of her  
soul.   
  
The years had changed the two women so much.  
Haruka had lines around her eyes and mouth. Michiru  
had grey in her long blue-green hair. As they sat  
together watching the sun fade into the sea though,  
the most unbreakable bond; forged between them so  
long ago; still shone and flowed like quicksilver  
between them.   
Michiru curled up in the space above Haruka's  
heart and two soft snores were all that could be  
heard by the gods that looked down on them. 


End file.
